the molesy museum

I just bought my dream home this summer and for the first time in a long time, I am slowing down. Smelling the roses as they say. Yet I didn’t want to smell the roses. I guess I was pushed into this. Where was I pushed from? I’ll get to that in a minute.

Over the holidays, my brother-in-law asked me, “What are you going to do now?” as he admired my new fortress of solitude. I thought for a moment, and another moment, and another moment…He could tell I didn’t have anything to say and finally he jokingly blurted out “Just sit there and rot now huh?”

I fucking thought about that brief interlude for months on end. I am still thinking about it. It scared the living hell out of me. What am I going to do? Finding and buying our dream home was no small task. It took years of dedication, focus, and determination. I stood on the edge and looked across at the abyss and leaped.

My risks paid off but somehow I knew buying this house would unravel other parts of me, other parts of me I didn’t want to uncover. I knew it would be worth the process, but the process would be long and emotional.

When I finished my hockey career I laid on the living room carpet of my childhood home and wept for a long time. I did not know what to do next. I forgot about that moment for a while until my brother-in-law asked me that question. A month or so later I would be lying on the carpet of my new house, crying, weeping, asking my wife and myself over and over again - “what do I do now?”

I was in this rotting state for two months and just taking it one day at a time. I wasn’t sure I was going to figure it out. I went for a walk with my mom and during it she confidently said to me, “You will figure what to do next.”

I didn’t believe her at the time but I felt grateful she saw the fire in my eyes to write the next chapter of my life. Maybe I’m being overly dramatic and introspective but this really felt like a big moment for me so fuck, call me a romantic at least.

I slowly started dusting myself off and then started to think about my life, the big and small moments, and the moments in between. As our boy Steve Jobs said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something—your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.”¹

How could I connect the dots? Well for years I have been keeping a physical storybook of my life. Everything has been collecting dust in boxes for decades. For decades, I have been adding little trinkets, trophies, trading cards, pictures, journals, letters, burnt CDs, and more to the collection. I have been doing this since a young age and I never knew why, until I bought this house.

My office I thought! My big new office! I could buy a big shelf and put stuff on it and look at my life. Maybe if I don’t know what to do in the future, I will just reverse engineer and look back. I’ll look back and connect the dots.

With the help of my wife, we got to work unraveling my keepsakes. It might not look like much in this picture, but to me it’s everything and more. I have a whole stack of NHL tickets back from the early 2000s, a round of golf with my dad (he beat me by one stroke), a newspaper clipping of me playing hockey in college, Disneyland pins from that one special surprise family trip, Pokemon cards, Magic: The Gathering cards, the 1st edition GoPro, the Apple Shuffle, the Apple Nano, the Apple iPod, the Apple iPod Color, pictures of me as a baby, pictures of my wedding day, hockey trophies, high school theater signage and signatures, my first LLC binder, signed sports cards, and even my old Quicksilver wallet from middle school with a school picture of my girlfriend at the time.

My wife and I were moving efficiently setting things up, and then I saw my freshman binder. It was labeled “Project Me.” It must have been a final assignment before the year end. I flipped slowly through it…and then the last few pages came. It was talking about the future and what I wanted, what I was going to do. Now, everything didn’t work out exactly as I planned but I basically got everything I wanted out of life.

“The only true test of intelligence is if you get what you want out of life”

— Naval Ravikant²

I wrote about who I wanted as my wife, where I wanted to live, and even started talking about the details of my dream home.

“I will walk down a hallway and there will be big master bedroom. Next to it will be my office and all my hockey trophies.”

There was more to the manifestation but let’s cut to the chase. Everything I truly wanted came true. That little 14-year-old boy pushed me into this next chapter of my life.

Then one thing led to another and I started to think about September 2022.

September 2022 marked the closing of a significant chapter in my life. I turned 30 and got married that same week.

After the culmination of events, I found myself alone for the first time. The wedding was over. The birthday party was over. Friends and family, who might never be in the same place again, were flying on a jet plane home. Silence for the first time.

I had time to reflect on the last 30 years of my life, and I couldn’t help but be emotional. There were good times and bad times, sprints, mountains to climb, pondering walks, love and loss, victory and defeat. 30 years old and married. It has been a great story up to this point.

At this time, I caught a glimpse of a mirror in my room, and instead of seeing my reflection, I saw my father’s. I thought of his life, his childhood, his wedding day, his career, and his trials and tribulations. I felt him thinking of our family and how to best raise children. I cried over his life being cut short at the young age of 58 years old due to brain cancer. As I said, emotional. A chapter closed with a new one to write.

I was dealt a great hand in life. I was fortunate to have had a great dad.

My dad also taught me many lessons.

These lessons included:

• Respect everyone. Demand they respect you.

• Everyone has a purpose, so don’t treat people differently — The janitor, small business owner, landscaper, hedge fund manager, or movie director. They all give this wonderful universe purpose.

• Do things the right way even when no one is watching, or no one will see it.

• Work hard, play hard.

• Love.

• Calmness in uncertainty.

• Sing your death song by going willingly without fear.

• How to raise kids.

• Nurture friendships and build community.

• Invest in yourself.

• Take risks.

• Don’t burn bridges no matter the other person’s character.

• Be patient and pick the right partner for life.

• Suffering and death are the greatest teachers of all.

Most recently, my father and his death have reminded me not to look to the past for long. Continue to grow, build something great for yourself, and play long-term games.

Also:

Good things take time.

Becoming a man takes time.

I feel like most problems and anxiety that arise in your 20s can be attributed to a lack of patience. Be like an Aspen, I have been telling myself.

Aspens have always been my favorite tree because of their beauty and deeper meaning. Aspens are patient, resilient, and always growing. I am lucky enough now to have some euro Aspens on my property.

Patience. Resilience. Growth.

A great man continues to learn and grow all the time.

Well, it’s taken me a long time to collect the things of my past and connect these dots. I wouldn’t have been able to do it unless I slowed down and listened to the birds chirp outside my window for more than 5 seconds.

When I first got my new house, my grandpa visited from New York. He wanted to walk around the property. Now usually I would speed run it with new guests and we would do a quick house tour then quick glance of the 5-acre lot.

Not today though. I was on my grandpa’s time frame. We walked slow and methodically from tree to tree. We found a pear tree and picked a few. We both ate from our pears and just sat in silence as the summer sun beamed down on our faces. We were out there for an hour just noticing.

I thought of the Charles Bukowski quote: “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”³

Crazy in today’s world is slowing down. Normal is scrolling and consuming and moving fast. You gotta be crazy and weird, and keep that individuality.

Fast forward to this winter, and it’s trash day. I usually drag the trash cans down our long driveway as quick as possible and scurry back inside. But not this time. I looked at my year-and-a-half-old son and brought him with me. “Let’s do the trash little man.” Together we wheeled the two trash cans, one at a time, down the long driveway. Along the way we stopped and listened to a plane flying by, felt little worms on the ground, pointed at the ducks in the pond, and just stared at nothing. It took forever! It was magical. We waved and said hi to people walking by. We looked at each other and laughed for no apparent reason. We smashed our boots in puddles and held hands.

Kids and grandparents remind you life is long, if you know how to use it. They are our very own living Senecas.⁴

Now like I said, my wife helped me with this project. I’ll bring up my old friend Charles again - “A good woman will steal your soul.”³

A good woman doesn’t steal your soul out of cruelty; she takes it because intimacy dismantles the version of you that learned how to survive alone. Nothing meaningful comes without exposure. And nothing real leaves you unchanged.

This whole reflection process has for sure changed me…I think. Well hopefully not too much. I’m just hoping now I have a better answer to my brother-in-law.

Time to rot? No time for life. Time to write. Time for balance?

No! The balance of life is slowing down and speeding up, not one steady pace your whole life and certainly not trying to optimize everything into grey dullness.

Speaking of grey…if you can peer even closer at my bookshelf. You know the bookshelf next to ‘the Molesy Museum’ or what my wife likes to call it. Do you see that red typewriter? Do you see that Mark Twain newspaper article there?

The article is titled “Mark Twain’s Advice on Growing Old.” My wife and I received it in the mail as marketing material but as soon as I read the article I knew I had to keep it for safekeeping instead of throwing it into the recycling bin.

In the reflection, Twain says “we can’t reach old age by another man’s road.”⁵

After looking back at my life, and looking back at the previous “Washed Up” letters I have written, my hope now is for you, the reader, to take one thing from me. I hope that you reach old age by the road you carved out with your intuition, love, laughter, and determination.

“Left behind are the purified truths of what really matters, such as love and honor and friendship.”⁵

Every time I look at my office shelf, I think of Mark Twain’s words. Every time I think of what my wife told me, “I see your life and I see a leader.”

It’s hard not to cry as I write this…

This letter completes Part 1 of my book. Next we will dive deep into my soul and you will get to learn a little bit more about my leader, my dad, and how his death changed my life.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading.

-Molesy.

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Appendix — Sources & References

¹ Steve Jobs — “You can’t connect the dots looking forward...” from his commencement address at Stanford University, June 12, 2005.

² Naval Ravikant — from his writings on wealth, intelligence, and happiness. Widely circulated via his blog and social media.

³ Charles Bukowski — from his novel Women (1983).

⁴ Lucius Annaeus Seneca — Roman Stoic philosopher. His reflections on patience, time, and the art of living are found throughout his Letters to Lucilius (commonly known as Letters from a Stoic).

⁵ Mark Twain — as written by Jeff Minick. Published by Epoch (ireadepoch.com) as a sample article. No date listed.