style, lessons, and poetry
Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn.”
―Gore Vidal
God damn, I wish this was my quote. It sure is timeless. STYLE. Do I have it? Do you have it? Do I know who I am?
You tend to ask yourself who you are during tough times. A lot of people wonder who I am. I am hard to read when you first meet me. I come off as introverted, mad, and intense, but with a good smile. I tend to go inward before outward, listen before speaking, and watch before playing. If you give me a few cocktails, I may be a little more talkative.
Despite the rough edges of my first encounters, I am a lover who just wants to make my mark on this world. “Make me tired,” I ask this world and God. I wrote a poem called “tired.”
I come here to rest.
But before I rest, give me the strength to be tired
Tired through all that life has to offer
Tired from love, suffering, adventure, work, generosity
Tired from the pursuit of moral perfection
I was born to someday rest
So make me tired.
If you want to know who I really am, read my writing. My writing is where my soul is. When I can’t find my soul, who I am, or my style, I think of a memory from many years ago.
Well, here's the thing, I was going through a hard time many moons ago, so I went to breakfast with a mentor and a friend. I explained my trials and tribulations. He patiently listened until I finished. Then he gave a little smirk and said, “Well, at the end of the day, no matter what happens, you will still be Marcus Moles.” Strip it all away, and I will still be me, the one & the only, the optimist standing on the edge. And I was at peace.
Who am I? a lover, an optimist, a risk-taker.
What do I want to say? Give me a keyboard or piece of paper and someone who loves me, and I will pour my heart out.
Today is December 29, 2024. What do I want to say today? Well, today, I am at peace. I am at peace even during the rough seas in my head. My faith grows. My faith grows as I am washed up on my next wave of fatherhood. I thought for a second there I would just start only writing about being a father but fuck that. That is not my whole identity. Strip it all away, and there will still be “-Molesy” l-i-v-i-n. I want to write about the wave I have been on, the wave I am looking for, and the wave I am on. The full human experience. Why? Sometimes, we have to look back to go forward, and sometimes, we have to look forward to go back.
But back to fatherhood for now…
There are some lessons my little man BEAU tiful has graciously bestowed upon me in his first 5 months of life. I think I would like to share them if you don’t mind. To me, god is speaking in the only way he or she or it or them knows how - through love and through my child. If we didn’t love, would we really be listening? I am listening my son.
Lessons:
Go for walks, at least two a day. It is my favorite part of my morning with my son.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Happiness and fun are outside; stay busy and active socially
Talk less & communicate clearly (this might be one of the most important lessons).
Slow down and don’t rush. There are very few things in life you need to hurry for…maybe to catch a plane.
Take care of yourself first. Keep your mental and physical health at the top of your mind. If you can’t help yourself, how can you help others?
Having a child kills the ego. Life is about bigger things now.
Trips with your new family are a blast. Create as many core memories as possible for them to look back on.
Protect and support your wife. They put more work in than you realize.
Smile more. My son has the best smile that melts my heart.
Don’t focus on the past. Let it be a dream. Focus on the here and now and the what is. I am not going to get these moments back with my son.
The hard is what makes life so special even though it’s hard to see in the moment. The hard is what makes it great.
Be in awe, keep the passion lit, and stay curious.
Let things go.
Every day is a blessing. Everything is a new experience, even if you are stepping into the same river.
This is what life is all about—raising a family, loving something more than yourself, and being closer to God.
Written on December 20th, 2024
Lesson 17 - Who cares?
New outfit in the middle of the day? Who cares. Puked on myself? Who cares. Shit my pants? Who cares. I was playing with a toy and now it is gone? Who cares. See a moment and now it is gone? Who cares. Kids really show what and who is important in life…the answer is well not much. Shitting, sleeping, and smiling, crying, farting, and laughing. Beauty, love, connection. Nothing to care about means there is everything to care about. Every moment matters.
Your mother is screaming, “Oh my god!” while she is trying to get you ready for bed so I got to go. I’ll be back in 2025. The year will be the year of change, adventure, leveling up, and leveling down. Thank you my son for showing me what to care about. Thanks for bringing more beauty and love into my life. Thanks for showing me how to change a diaper. Now, that is poetry.
Anyway, that’s me and what I wanted to say today…
go fuck yourself,
-Molesy