II.

When I ended the last letter, I told you we’d dive deep into my soul. That you’d learn more about my leader, my dad, and how his death changed my life.

I’ve been sitting on these pieces for years. Some were written in the immediate aftermath…raw journal entries from the days and months after July 25th, 2014. Others came later, when I was trying to figure out who I was without hockey, without my identity, without the man who taught me everything.

Part I of this book was about the present - me as a father, a husband, a man building a life in Oregon with a ‘museum’ my office. It was about slowing down, connecting dots, and finding meaning in what I’ve collected along the way.

Part II is about the past. It’s hard, vulnerable, and goes into deep waters.

These three pieces span from the day after my father’s death through age 25, when I graduated college and lay on my living room floor asking my mom, “What do I do now?”

“the stars are bright tonight” - Journal entries from the first year after his death. Day 1 through 617 days. The immediate, visceral experience of grief.

“twenty five” - My hockey journey, the diagnosis, transferring schools, rebuilding my life, and that moment of defeat at 25 when everything I’d worked for ended.

“when the wind picked up” - A letter I wrote to myself 618 days after his death, on what would have been his 60th birthday. Trying to make sense of the universe, grief, and what he left behind.

I’m not going to lie…these are heavy. But they’re also honest. And I think honesty is the only way through. The only way through is inside you. Go towards the storm.

If you’ve lost someone, if you’ve had your identity stripped away, if you’ve ever laid on a floor and asked “what now?” - these are for you.

If you haven’t, they might prepare you. Because loss comes for all of us eventually.

I’ll be back with Part III when the time is right. For now, let’s go back to 2014.

Thank you for being here.

—Molesy